Tag Archives: Life

21 Secrets for Your 20s

Sarah recently tweeted a linked titled “21 Secrets for Your 20s” from AllGrownUp.com (you can read Sarah’s blog here). Granted I’m almost out of my 20s, but I still found it really interesting (and very true!).

1. Never looking at your budget and never making a budget is the exact same thing.

2.  The possibility for greatness and embarrassment both exist in the same space. If you’re not willing to be embarrassed, you’re probably not willing to be great.

3.  Feel no shame in seeking help from a counselor or therapist. We all have crap we try to wrap and hide under the Christmas tree. Get rid of it before it smells up your entire holiday.

4.  All job listings on Craigslist lead you to a warehouse in downtown LA “wearing something nice with shoes you can walk in”.

5.  Don’t ever, ever check Facebook when you’re:

A. Depressed

B.  Drinking.

C.  Depressed and Drinking.

D.  Unemployed.

E.  Anytime after 9:17 pm.

F.  Struggling with being blessed with singleness while all your friends seem to be blessed with 2.4 kids and that blazing white-picket-fence shining with the glory of Jesus Christ himself.

6.  All those amazing college friends you swore you’d never lose contact with after college yeah, well, you might lose contact. Moving all over the country, getting married, having kids, all make that forty-five minute conversation with your sophomore roommate a little more complicated than it used to be over a game of Mario Kart. Making and keeping friends in our twenties takes intentionality.

7.  Your twenties will produce more failures than you’ll choose to remember. The key is when you fail, don’t begin calling yourself a failure.

8.  Every break up has two break ups. I’m no physicist, but this is a law of physics, of this I am certain. Yes you’ll have the first tearful “It’s over” sitting in the front seat of your Honda or on a park swing. Then 1-2 months later after there’s “been talk”, you’ll have the “real breakup” because she forgets to call like she used to or he checks out the waitress like he’s a judge for Miss USA. And gird those loins because in the second breakup there will be a lot more breaking.

9.  The Freshman-Fifteen is nothing compared to the Cubicle-Cincuenta. Don’t sit at your computer perched like a Roman gargoyle. Don’t let office birthday cake be forced on you like a cigarette behind your middle school. Bust out before your butt does.

10.  And yes, cubicles don’t make sense to anybody other than upper-management. I would be willing to bet that only 3% of all “Cubicle Americans” actually have a positive outlook on life. And half of that 3% is stealing from their company.

11.  If at some point between 22 – 27 you feel like you’re six years old again, lost at the San Diego Zoo (it’s a big-frickin-zoo), frantically searching for a familiar face – hold tight, you’re experiencing a bit of a Quarter-Life Crisis. Stay put. Pray a lot. And in no time someone will call your name across the loud-speaker to tell you where you can be found.

12.  Reckless drinking and reckless flirting have a direct correlation. Friends don’t let friends drive, or flirt, drunk.

13.  If you grew up going to church, at some point in your 20′s you’ll probably stop going to church. If you grew up with faith as a central part of your life, at some point in your twenties faith might move to the outskirts of town next to the trailer park and three-legged squirrel refuge. Your twenties are a process of making faith your own apart from your parents and childhood. Sometimes that means staggering away so you know what you’re coming back to.

14.  Don’t ever begin dating someone you first met whilst in swimsuits. Doubly-don’t if you’re both in swimsuits whilst holding an alcoholic beverage.

15.  Obsessive Comparison Disorder is the smallpox of our generation. 9 out of 10 doctor’s agree this disorder is the leading cause to eating a whole sleeve of Oreo’s while watching Real Housewives of OC. Say no to obsessive comparison disorder before it starts. Remember everyone’s too busy putting a PR spin on their Facebook profile to care much about yours.

16.  Life will never feel like it’s “supposed to”. Being twenty-something can feel like death by unmet expectations. However, let me be so brash to say that you are right now, at this moment, exactly where you need to be. But you’ll only be able to see that five years and thirty-eight days from today.

17. You might have your first kid and realize what it’s like to be young, a parent, and have no freaking clue what you’re doing. And for the first time in your life, you also might actually understand your parents for the first time.

18. Marriage WILL NOT fix any of your problems. No, instead marriage will put a magnifying glass on how many problems you really have. We grow up carrying bags with our insecurities, fears, bad relationships, problems with our parents — you name it. Begin to ditch these bags now. Newly married and living in a small apartment is no place to store a luggage set full of shiz.

19.  An assortment of crappy jobs are a twenty-something rite of passage. Figure out what you need to learn there and learn it. If you don’t, an assortment of crappy jobs might be your thirty, forty and fifty-something rite of passage as well.

20.  Great ideas alone mean nothing. Your ability to persevere through 16 major setbacks, a lack of passion, forgetting why you started this great idea in the first place, and all the people who allude that your great idea is actually quite terrible — well, that means everything.

21.  The grass is always greener on the other side, until you get there and realize it’s because of all the manure.

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Thirty Things

Glamour just came out with a new book titled 30  Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30:

And while I have about a year and a half to go before I turn the big dirty 30, I thought it’d be interesting to see how I was doing on the list.

By 30, you should have:

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
Well, seeing as I’m married, I won’t be going back to any old boyfriends. However, looking back at the exes, there is one that might still fit the mold. We were just too young to be together (and that serious) at the time. Unfortunately, there’s more than one old boyfriend to remind me of how far I’ve come. But that’s life – you live and learn!

2. A  decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your  family.
We replaced almost all of our furniture within a year or so of moving out here. I don’t really know what’s considered “decent” though. I think it all depends on one’s taste.

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
I think I’ve got something… I have a classic little black dress which would fit the bill. It looks similar to this but scoops a little lower in the front and has a thin belt around the waist.

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
Absolutely. It’s a part of me and who I am but I have no need to relive it.

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in  your old age.
There are parts of my past that are juicy enough to retell. And parts that are not to be retold!

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
I joke that my husband and I are squirrel-ers but really, we are. We are savers. Not to the extreme where we have a rigid budget or anything. But we don’t buy breakfast, coffee or lunch during the week. I rarely shop for clothes. We do go out to dinner about once a week. And we love concerts, sporting events and to travel. But we are extremely determined to one day own in Manhattan. And we’re about halfway there. We still live off the same salaries as when we moved here nearly 4 years ago (despite earning more).

8. An email address, a voice  mailbox, and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
I feel like this one is a little dated… Might have applied when this list was first created but today everyone has all of those. But the whole “nobody has access to but you”? Doesn’t really apply. What’s mine is J’s and vice versa. All bank accounts are joint. He knows most of my passwords because I have nothing to hide.

9. A  résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
This is probably not the “right” answer but for me, it’s J. He can make me laugh, he can let me cry. Tell me when I’m in the wrong or totally right. Yes I have girlfriends that make me laugh but he’s my permanent shoulder to cry on. Well, unless I’m crying about him 😛

11. A set of screwdrivers, a  cordless drill, and a black lace bra.
So I’ve got two of the three down. Want to guess which one I don’t have? The black lace bra. I have a black bra, I have bras with lace. But none black AND lace. But hey, I got screwdrivers and a cordless drill!

12. Something ridiculously expensive  that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
Truthfully, I can’t think of anything. I’m not one to go out and just buy “ridiculously expensive” items. (And now I have a husband who can do that for me!)

13. The belief that you deserve it.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
Working on this… The skin-care is slowly getting there. Exercise varies – I know what I like and don’t like, just need a little extra time to do it! And those facets of life that don’t get better? Well, that’s just part of life!

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.
Finally got a start on the satisfying career. Absolutely satisfied in my relationship! And everything else? If I’m not satisfied, it will always get better.

By 30, you should know:
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.

2. How you feel about having kids.
Only real undecided part is the number. We’ll either be “one and done” or two. Have to wait and see I guess.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
Quit my first big girl job almost 3 months ago! As in, I’m going elsewhere and not, I’m graduating/moving/etc.

4. When to try harder and when to walk away.

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town.
Ms. Hilary. I’ve only known one Great Grandma – Ann. And I don’t know my tailors name (she knows mine though!) but I know where to find her!

7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
Been there, done that – I truly lived alone my first year of law school. And technically my second year but J and I were dating then so he was over a bit. I didn’t mind living alone one bit!

8.  Where to go—be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat—when your soul needs soothing.

9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.
Some days I totally get it. Other days it’s a work in progress. Oh to be female…

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
Amen! And I wouldn’t be where I am today otherwise.

11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
I’d do anything for love, but I won’t do that? Oh Meatloaf.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.

13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally

14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
And learning to apologize when it IS your fault!

15. Why they say life begins at 30!
Still have a year and a half to go but so far, life has been good 🙂

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Looking Forward

Today has been a bit of a rough, headachy day. My paralegal/secretary and I butted heads significantly this morning and it just set the tone for the day (those of you on Twitter know the story… PS – Follow me! @LindsayInNYC). I kept my door shut for most of the day but now I’m looking forward. The day is almost over, the week is half over and I have SO much to look forward to in these upcoming months. A little sneak peek of my 2012 vacations?

1.

2.

 

3.

4.

Any guesses where I’ll be headed this year?

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Love What You Do

Oh hey, remember me? I started this blog and then work sucked the life out of me and this fell to the wayside? Well, hopefully no more…

I only vaguely touched on how miserable I was at my last job (this post barely touches on things). But yeah, I wasn’t happy for a multitude of reasons. So, not to dwell on the negative, I’m happy to announce I have a NEW job! Same area of law, new firm. I started last week and so far I really love it. The atmosphere and environment are totally different. And overall a MUCH better fit for me. I did take on a longer commute, basically double what it was, but it hasn’t been too bad. Waking up earlier than the sun isn’t all that enjoyable but once I get into a good routine and get to sleep earlier, I think my body (and energy levels) will adjust.

The best way to sum things up, as of lately, in the words of Steve Jobs:

Here’s to more updated posts! 🙂

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Things to Ponder

I’ve seen a lot of people sharing an article on Facebook lately titled “30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself“. What’s even more interesting though is the other articles posted on the same website/blog. In particular, there was one I really liked titled “10 Things to Stop Caring About Today” (really though, all of the articles are good!) and wanted to repost:

Every day is a new beginning.  But in life, sometimes you have to stop before you can truly begin.  So starting today…

Stop caring about everyone’s opinion of you.

For the most part, what other people think and say about you doesn’t matter.  When I was younger I let the opinions of my high school and early college peers influence my decisions.  And at times they steered me away from ideas and goals I strongly believed in.  I realize now, many years later, that this was a foolish way to live, especially when I consider that nearly all of these people whose opinions I cared so much about are no longer a part of my life.

Unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way.  What they think and say about you isn’t important.  What is important is how you feel about yourself.  Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Stop caring about being politically correct.

I had a discussion with a friend yesterday about censorship and how speaking a certain way simply to please others contributes to the loss of one’s true inner voice.  During the discussion I watched him closely, and I could actually pinpoint the heated moment when he was about to give me a piece of his mind, but stopped himself.  It was so obvious!  So I called him out on it.  “You just censored yourself, didn’t you?”  He laughed and nodded.

Everyone has this little watchdog inside their head.  It’s always there watching you.  It was born and raised by your family, friends, coworkers, bosses and society at large, and its sole purpose is to watch you and make sure you stay in line.  And once you become accustomed to the watchdog’s presence, you begin to think his opinion of what’s acceptable and unacceptable are absolute truths.  But the watchdog’s views are not truths, they’re just opinions – forceful opinions that have the potential to completely brainwash you of your own opinions if you aren’t careful.

Remember, the watchdog is just a watchdog, he just watches.  He can’t actually control you.  He can’t do anything about it if you decide to rise up and go against the grain.

No, you should not start randomly cussing and acting like a fool.  But you must say what you need to say when you need to say it.  If it isn’t politically correct, so what.

Don’t censor yourself.  Speak the truth.  Your truth.

Stop caring about looking a certain way.

There is no right way to dress or right way to wear your hair.  No, I’m not saying to you should dress like a clown simply to rebel either.  Everyone who purposely tries to look different ends up looking the same.

Be you, just the way you are, in the unique way only you know how.  Wear clothes and styles you feel comfortable wearing.  Dress the way YOU dress.

You’re a one of a kind.  Trying to look like someone else is a waste of your own beauty.  In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your awesome self.

Stop caring about what everyone else wants for you.

Unfortunately, just before you take your first step on the righteous journey to pursue your dreams, people around you, even the ones who deeply care for you, will usually give you awful advice.  It’s not because they have evil intentions.  It’s because they don’t understand the big picture – what your dreams, passions and life goals mean to you.  They don’t understand that, to you, the reward is worth the risk.

So they try to protect you by shielding you from the possibility of failure, which, in effect, also shields you from the possibility of making your dreams a reality.

As our friend Steve Jobs says:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.  Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.  Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition.  They somehow already know what you truly want to become.  Everything else is secondary.”

Stop caring about the boundaries others set up.

No matter how much progress you make there will always be the people who insist that whatever you’re trying to do is impossible.  Or they may incessantly suggest that the idea or dream as a whole is utterly ridiculous because nobody really cares.  When you come across these people, don’t try to reason with them.  Instead, forget that they exist.  They will only waste your time and energy.

Try what you want to try.  Go where you want to go.  Follow your own intuition.  Don’t accept false choices.  Don’t let others put a cage around you.  Definitely don’t listen to the watchdog.

Whenever somebody discredits you and tells you that you can’t do something, keep in mind that they are speaking from within the boundaries of their own limitations.  Ignore them and press on.  Read The Success Principles.

Stop caring about what everyone else has.

When you catch yourself comparing yourself to a colleague, neighbor, friend, or someone famous, stop!  Realize that you are different, with different strengths – strengths these other people don’t possess.  Take a moment to reflect on all the awesome abilities you have and to be grateful for all the good things in your life.

The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life — a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc.  Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you might have a new destination in mind.

Instead, appreciate where you are and what you have right now.  Try comparing yourself to those who have less, those who are dealing with tragedy, and those who are struggling to survive. Hopefully it opens your eyes to all the things you should be grateful for.

Stop caring about the imaginary state of perfect.

Perfect is the enemy of good.

Many of us are perfectionists in our own right.  I know I am at times.  We set high bars for ourselves and put our best foot forward.  We dedicate copious amounts of time and attention to our work to maintain our high personal standards.  Our passion for excellence drives us to run the extra mile, never stopping, never relenting.  And this dedication towards perfection undoubtedly helps us to achieve results…  So long as we don’t get carried away.

But what happens when we do get carried away with perfectionism?

We become disgruntled and discouraged when we fail to meet the (impossibly high) standards we set for ourselves, making us reluctant to take on new challenges or even finish tasks we’ve already started.  Our insistence on dotting every ‘I’ and crossing every ‘T’ breeds inefficiency, causing major delays, stress overload and subpar results.

True perfectionists have a hard time starting things and an even harder time finishing them… always.  I have a friend who has wanted to start a graphic design business for several years.  But she hasn’t yet.  Why?  When you sift through her extensive list of excuses it comes down to one simple problem:  She is a perfectionist.  Which means she doesn’t, and never will, think she’s good enough at graphic design to own and operate her own graphic design business.

Remember, the real world doesn’t reward perfectionists.  It rewards people who get things done.  And the only way to get things done is to be imperfect 99% of the time.  Only by wading through years of practice and imperfection can we begin to achieve momentary glimpses of the perfection.

So make a decision.  Take action.  Learn from the outcome.  And repeat this method over and over and over again in all walks of life.  Also, check out Too Perfect.  It’s an excellent read on conquering perfectionism.

Stop caring about being right all the time.

We all dance to the beat of a different drum.  There are few absolute ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ in the world.  What’s right for you may be wrong for me, and vise versa.  People need to live their lives their way – the way that’s right for them.

When it comes to life choices and opinions, not much is worth fighting about.  Step back from arguments with your spouse, family members or neighbors.  When you feel anger surging up and you want to yell that vulgar remark on tip of your tongue, just close your mouth and walk away.  Let mind calm down.  You don’t have to be right or win an argument.

Instead, open your mind to new ideas and opinions.  Don’t just concentrate on what others are doing, spend time figuring out why they are doing what they’re doing.

Stop caring about mistakes.

Mistakes teach you important lessons.  The biggest mistake you can make is doing nothing because you’re too scared to make a mistake.  So don’t hesitate – don’t doubt yourself.  In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance.  You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  Most of the time you just have to go for it!

And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be.  Either you succeed or you learn something.  Win-Win.  Remember, if you never act, you will never know for sure, and you will be left standing in the same spot forever.

Stop caring about things you can’t control.

Some forces are out of your control.  Accept this fact of life.  Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation.

The smartest thing you can do to compensate for the things you can’t control is adjusting your attitude.  Your attitude has a profound effect on your overall potential.  Consuming yourself with the negative aspects of a circumstance gets nothing productive accomplished.  But if you instead look at the circumstance productively and positively, coming from the standpoint of “What’s my next best move?” you put yourself back in the driver’s seat.

Bottom line:  As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  You can’t change what happened, but you can change how you react to it.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.  The opposite is also true.  The choice is yours to make.

Now to start following some of these…

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Feeling Bleh

Having one of “those” days and doing my best to pull out of the funk. Womp womp = Me.

I’m tired, my back hurts (the norm), I couldn’t find a  good outfit this morning which meant I was late to work, I’m behind in hours at work which stresses me even more. Seriously, major womp womp in my life today. All aboard the pity train?

I’m trying to think of positive things that can boost my mood… Yesterday, Bobbi Brown was on Elvis Duran and she said she wears a bright pink/purple scarf when she’s feeling bleh. I need that kind of scarf in my life!

In the meantime, some of my pick me ups:

  • Tomorrow = Friday. Enough said. And J comes back home (he’s been out of town for business).
  • Gym time. Can’t get down on my body/weight/etc. if I’m working out. And some working out is better than none at all!
  • My smushy faced dog! Never fails to put a smile on my face 🙂
  • Yummy iced coffee before it gets too cold for it. Dunkins = Coconut iced. Starbucks = Sugar-free Caramel iced.
  • Comfy sweats. CANNOT wait to get home and put on sweats!
  • Bright colors. I should’ve picked some hot pink for today’s outfit…
  • Worse case scenario, a little junk food never hurts! (Totally negating the gym, I know…)

Your turn. What helps brighten your day when you’re feeling all bleh??

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DMB Caravan v. Hurricane Irene?

What I planned on doing this weekend:

What I ended up doing this weekend:

Like most people on the east coast, I spent my Saturday with the TV glued on The Weather Channel. Instead of on Governor’s Island. Truthfully, a low key weekend was much needed. I was bummed 2 of the 3 concert nights had to be rescheduled but I feel caught up around the house and well rested.

We survived Irene without any direct damage. Unfortunately, we do have some bathroom ceiling damage… Around 4:00 a.m., I got up to go to the bathroom. Without even stepping foot in the bathroom, I heard some seriously leaking. I ran back into the bedroom to get my glasses (since I’m borderline blind without them!) and woke up J in a slight panic. Turn the bathroom light on to find this:


That’s the area above the shower (the bubble at left) and kinda between/over the shower/sink area (the other, bigger hole). I left J to deal with the immediate issue and ran downstairs to our concierge guy. Long story short… The building super went upstairs (I knew the resident(s) were there because we had a sign in list of people who didn’t evacuate and I was nosy) to notify the unit above us. Turns out the guy was saving water in his bathtub in case of an emergency and fell asleep. And the tub overflowed. For real. Seriously, what a moron! Luckily we were home and caught it… Yeah so that was a fun 4:00 a.m. discovery.

Aside from the ceiling, that was our only damage. There’s some flooding in the nearby streets but nothing major. And just got word that the PATH, MTA Subway and NYC Courts will all be open tomorrow. Lucky me. So I will be headed to Jamaica (as in Jamaica, Queens) in the morning… Be jealous.

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